One night I saw the news and I heard that the Jehovah Witnesses community had been in the news about the abuse that occurs a lot within the community. I was very shocked at this, because somewhere I got the confirmation that my story existed. And that I existed as a person. I would like to explain how all this has been for me. Because I too was a Jehovah witness and grew up in this community as a child. I never knew better. Let me first explain why I decided to be open in this. I did not have a nice childhood. Far from normal. Now that I have children of 5,7 and 5 months, I find out more about it every time. This has partly to do with the Jehovah's Witnesses. But also a lot with my abusive parents.
My whole childhood I grew up as Jehovah witnesses. My parents broke up when I was 5 years old. I then stayed in different houses and finally my mother got a home in Hilversum. Where we lived before but then another house of course. My parents were still trying to deal with each other again, but this eventually ended. At that moment it became too much for my mother I have the idea. She began to mistreate us with the leash but also with humiliations hair pulling and emotional abuse. We would never save it in life. I kept peeing in my bed because my toilet training was far from normal. At one point I just wanted to die. We went to the hall 3 once a week and to the Bible study, that was our world. We were not allowed to bring friends at home. We did not do Christmas old and new and all the other parties. We were not part of the world. I also became afraid of the world and the people in it. And people could smell that. We barely had food and sometimes we did not. Once we ate the skin of a potato. Baked that ... If I am hungry now I feel tense and sad. Something like that does not leave your body. This was our "upbringing".
Now the faith that made all this possible ... My mother was one of the 144000, an anointed one. I never understood why she went to heaven and she could hardly explain that to me. She even got angry when I asked her. The reason why I give this is to explain why it was (even) more difficult for me to knock on someone in the community. I have never had a good relationship with my mother because of the abuse. When I was 18 I was baptized. You believe what you want to belong to and the world I did not know. The Jehovah Witnesses were my family. I only felt safe with them. Nothing of that was true. As a child I was not already through the treatment of my mother, but now also by my father.
I did not know my father well but when I was 21 I went to see him. Especially because I was looking for my identity and I had no connection with my mother. I was hoping to find answers with him. Maybe I had a lot of him as my mother often claimed.
The search was successful, my father was also a Jehovah witness. This automatically made me feel safe with him, even though I felt intuitively something else that I could not place. Of course, I had not learned to listen to my feelings, but to God. I teach my children today that God is your sixth sense, your intuition. Especially ignorance has damaged me a lot. One day my mother hit me and said "go to your father and you will see". She did not know that I already had contact with my father, I think. But she threw me out of her house. I had a nice week there. But my mother also wanted me to come back, this I did. But it soon clashed between us, I went back to my father and things went wrong. In short, I have brutally raped 6 times with violence and narcotics. I did not dare to go to my mother. I could not tell the elders who would say that I should add it in a friendly way or that I was lying. It was too much. In the meantime, I went to the police every time. I had hoped they could help him. I was at my wit's end. I did not dare to go to my mother and I did not know the world. That is why I stayed.
They caught it on 20 October 2004, I was there.
My heart broke but somewhere it was good. I never canceled my declaration. The elders of both Rotterdam and Bussum did not like what I had done. They told me that they had to pay the rent and if I would have thought about it. They also asked me who gave the birds food in my father's house, because nobody came into that house while my father was in prison.
Not for a moment did they ask me how I felt, or how it went with me. Broken I was there, broken, I was completely silent inside. I then went away nicely. On the bike I knew that I was done with Jehovah's Witnesses. I have never excluded myself. I just left. Why not ? I could not go there anymore. I could not handle that conversation with short-sighted people who did not know and did not believe what I had been through ... I felt trapped in a sect, in a web of people who did not care about me. I was alone, abandoned by my own parents .. I kept it up to a young adult with all that abuse from my mother and then systematically violently raped by my father while I was not taken care of by anyone! I was angry and still when I think about it. But proud of my strength.
It was not an easy way, because I had to go into the world! I was there where I was not ready ... ... I have made horrible things from rape to street life. I have learned from life .. In the hard way. I do not want to say much about it. It was not a fun time either.
But now things are going well. I have, despite what happened, my MBO and HBO and I am now mother of 3 beautiful children and have no contact with my parents. Well tried but there is a lot of emotional abuse and I protect my children. I have always asked them why. But I never received an answer and the way of approach to me went on. I mean the emotional abuse. My father is still a Jehovah witness. He has received a warning and after that he is admitted again. He was detained for 3 months in prison for investigation. I do not understand until today that he can sit there while he has done such bad things and is a danger to children and women. My mother left faith immediately after she heard of my rape and allowed herself to be excluded. She told me that it has nothing to do with me, but that she had been in doubt for a long time about what the faith taught .... Also proclaimed in it.
I hope I can help you with this research.